Fear and Death Conquered by Christ

So last night I decided to take some initiative and get to bed before midnight. I did finally crawl into bed around 12:15 or so, said a quick mumbled prayer, and started my itunes to sleep to. After the first song, however, it didn't play any others and it was on shuffle and repeat all. I got out of my bed where I had just gotten comfortable (isn't that how it always happens) and checked it. Yep. It was just as I'd left it. So I decided to just replay the song. The same thing happened. Now when I'm really tired and it's early in the morning...well...let's just say I can get some delusional ideas :) For some reason I decided that since my music wouldn't play, God didn't want it to. then I felt like there was going to be a fire in my house sometime that night and God wanted me to be able to hear the smoke detector over my music. Well I kept stewing on that and then decided that I thought I was going to die for some reason. I don't know why on earth I would've jumped to that conclusion so quickly...other than the fact that it was now well past 12:00. So I got out of my bed and made an excuse to go downstairs so I could be sure to wish my mom goodnight and tell her I loved her. I came back upstairs and felt very unsettled so I grabbed my Bible and began reading.

I just randomly flipped open my Bible, expecting something miraculous to happen. The first passage it opened to wasn't one that particularly calmed me so I tried again. The second time, it landed on Romans 8...Life Through the Spirit. As I read, I began to realize that God wanted me to see that passage. I kept thinking I was going to die for some reason and then I saw the words, "because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death"(8:2). Eagerly I continued reading and saw even more about being free from sin and death. I know I've read this passage many times before, but it kinda seemed repetitive to me after a while...but this time I feel like I really absorbed what it said. Beginning to worry a little more than I had been already, I read, "The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God" (8:6-8). Knowing I hadn't been planning time to read God's word or have more than a few mumbled prayers to Him because of my "busy" schedule lately, I began to feel a bit guilty because I know God should come first in my life. I then glanced over to an underlined portion of text that read, "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord" (8:38-39). Another statement I had read, and sung time after time, but really absorbed in this moment.

So I prayed. A heartfelt and meaningful prayer apologizing for my few "mumbled prayers" and asking for His help to make Him my main focus in life, the first thing I think about and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed. Sure I'd been a good person lately and I loved God and often talked about Him, but He wasn't always my main focus. Afterwards it felt sooo good to just give it to God. I no longer thought I was going to die, and so I picked my Bible back up and flipped to another random page. I'd flipped to Romans 3:21...Righteousness Through Faith...and read through 5:11. While reading, I felt as if God were speaking directly to me and comforted me even more. In these verses, faith justified by works is talked of and the verse, "There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus"(23-24). I think it may have been His way of getting my attention so that I would delve into my Bible and really give it all over to Him.

Feeling very much relieved and ready for a good long sleep, I crawled in bed...for the fourth time...and went to bed. That is an entirely different story. I had a dream...I only remember the ending of it, but this girl from some random school wanted to  know how to get to my college...so I told her how to get there. Then for some reason we were going on a road trip there. She was in my car and we were trying to get to the highway...but I looked and was going 60 in a 40...then I heard the police sirens..."Great!" I thought, "My first ticket...ugh." I started to pull over but didn't have room because there was already someone who had been pulled over by another cop. It looked like I had room between that cop car and the other car so I started pulling over...whoops...underestimated the room I'd need...I was in a crash course for the policeman's car...I tried to brake quickly..........but ran into his driver's side...well let me rephrase that...barely tapped it...but it was enough to dent the side and make the mirror break off...
Then I woke up. I'd had dreams before where someone else was driving and we'd gotten squished by a semi, or rolled off the highway, and even one where I'd rolled into a lake...but why this one should simply be crashing into a car...*ahem* barely tapping the car...confused me. So I did what every American would've done...I googled it. Pages kept showing the phrase, "your life seems to be out of control." Right then I knew that being out of control of my life was the best thing that ever had happened. Because when I'm not in control of my life, God can step in and control it for me. This made having a dream that sends a message from my subconscious like that feel like a positive sign. I may have felt scared and worried in the dream, but as Francesca Battistelli writes in her song Letting Go,

This is a giant leap of faith
Trusting and trying to embrace

The fear of the unknown
Beyond my comfort zone

I’m letting go
Of the life I planned for me
And my dreams
I'm Losing control
Of my destiny
It feels like I’m falling and that’s what it’s like to believe
So I’m letting go

If you've read this far, I congratulate you on not falling asleep :)

Merry Christmas!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JuE70GK_mq8

Well...no long and deeply insightful blog for you today. Just remember how blessed you are :) I mean if you're reading this then you have an education, you have a computer, and you have internet.

Anyway. Today has been a fantastic day! Just a day to sit and relax at home after working so hard in the store. My family went Christmas Caroling last night (as you can probably tell from the link above) and stayed out pretty late. I look forward to caroling with my family all year long! It's a time of family togetherness, and a time of spreading joy. The smiles I see on peoples' faces when we show up at their door really makes it all worth while :) As a result of staying out so late, none of my family got to bed before 2.  We all finally arose from our beds around noon-ish today and started opening presents an hour or two later. I got a lot of clothing and jewelry, some lotions, a Third Day CD, Eclipse, Toy Story 3, Beauty and the Beast (my favorite Disney Princess! The child in me was very excited to open this haha), and various other things. It was a very good Christmas day :)

After all the new clothes had been tried on and we'd had a little time to gather everything, my siblings and I went to play Just Dance on the wii. Lemme tell you...that game is harder than you'd expect! I know I got quite the workout haha Even if you can't dance (like me), it is a ton of fun! Once that was over we all piled into the kitchen to help cook dinner and get everything ready. It was a delicious meal! My mom's ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and cherry dump cake :) To top it all off we had Welch's Sparkling Grape Juice! And now I'm writing this blog while we all wait for our food to digest so that we can play the new board game our dad got us. Hopefully after that we'll be able to find "A Christmas Story" so we can watch it!

Everything I've described above is my family's traditions for Christmas :) I love each and every one and wouldn't want to miss any part of it. Please feel free to list any traditions your family has :) I'd love to hear them! May God bless you and have a Very Merry Christmas!! :D

p.s. Random thought: I really want to make a song about calculus by changing the lyrics to a modern day song...music video! :D Wow....how nerdy am I? 8)

Beating the Holiday Rush

Whew! What a day! This past week has just been crazy! I've been working with my family at Dillard's fragrance department selling perfumes and such all week and let me tell you...after walking around for hours on end over a hard tile floor with billions of scents in the air (and on your hand) it's enough to make a person go crazy! You encounter all types of people; people who are very rude and forward with you, people who are kind and sweet, and people who don't even speak english (which makes it very hard to tell what they want). On top of all of that, they come in bunches. The mall will seem dead and empty....then BAM! there are about 50 people in fragrance wanting help and prices on gift sets. There wouldn't be a problem with this, except my family works specifically for the Ralph Lauren/Armani company and we don't ring customers up for a sale. Usually there are only 1 or 2 girls with us who can so pandemonium ensues and no one is very happy about waiting. Then.....just like that....they're all gone, leaving our cases empty and bare. By the end of the day, that's just about what I feel like from working...like I have no energy left an no desire to do anything but zone out (and maybe blog a bit ;) ) Focusing on sales and trying to be the best sales rep I can kind of shove aside what Christmas is supposed to be about and what a happy and joyous time it's supposed to be. God always sends a few things to brighten my day though :) The other day there were 2 squirrely little boys that had come with their mom. At the check out I thought it'd make their days to have a little chocolate and so I grabbed 2 from behind the counter and walked over. I held one in each hand, a red wrapped one and a green one, and asked if they'd like some candy. They both immediately went for the green one...the younger brother got it and the older got kinda sad/mad and said "I wanted the green one!" The younger brother looked stubborn for a second and then quickly gave his brother the green candy and took the red one. I was amazed to see this behavior from such a young kid! He must have only been 5. It gave me hope for America's future that this little boy would be so willing to put away his own selfishness and look to his brother's interests first. I know you may be thinking "come on...it was just a chocolate...exactly like the other one...I see no significance in this" but no matter how small the act was, the little boy still put his brother first. This combined with seeing a precious little boy run around behind the fragrance counter with a huge smile on his face really made me smile.

Today I had a huge surprise. I got to see one of my best friends from high school who ran away the day after graduation. After a summer of little to no contact with her, I learned that she had come home again in October and soon after, learned that she was pregnant. Seeing her looking healthy and happy really just made my day. She told me that she was due in March and that she was having a baby boy. :) Although I may not approve of everything she's done in her life, I still love her very much...nothing could ever change that...and I'm glad she's home safe and sound with her family and realized that she couldn't have led a very happy or easy life without her loving parents or her Heavenly Father there to guide and help her.

It's days like this where I look around and realize how blessed I am. I have a very loving family who would do anything for me and who loves spending time together, fantastic friends, a great college and opportunity to gain as much knowledge as I can for the real world, and many more. Above all, I have an awesome and powerful God who will never stop loving me and will never stop loving you.

So as you run out to buy that last minute Christmas gift, make sure you share a friendly smile with the cashier or maybe treat them nicer than you usually do (I mean let's face it, they've probably had just as stressful a day as you). Because the truth is, you have been blessed. Even if you don't always see it, God has a plan for you and has blessed you greatly. I mean really, how else do you have the luxury to get out and drive to the local mall or Walmart, walk around in comfy clothing that is also warm in the cold winter's air, and purchase items of a range of costs, not to mention wrapping said items and placing them under the heavily decorated tree, and open the same type of presents on Christmas morning? Even if you're day is stressed and you just feel down with the Holiday blues...remember: God has blessed you :)


p.s. I know this blog was kinda random and all over the place...sorry about that :) Having 20 billion fragrances in the air for hours kinda confuses your brain and makes your head hurt :)

Simplicity

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3N3eMv0Dbc

The link above is to the song Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman. In it, he talks about watching his baby girl grow up and his everlasting love for her. When examining the lyrics, we see a small, innocent child grow into a strong and beautiful woman, but we only see this from the father's perspective. The side we don't see is that girl's stressful and confusing journey to womanhood.

Growing up as a girl in today's society is difficult. Not saying it's harder for girls than boys, but I believe there is a lot more pressure placed on a growing girl. Pressure as to who they should be, how they should dress, activities they need to do to be cool, and etc, etc, etc, and trying to grow up as a good Christian girl puts the icing on the cake. Trying to make decisions as to who you want to be and how you're going to live your life can get very confusing. The reason it gets so confusing is because God made everyone different, he made individuals who believe every person should be the same, some who believe no two people should act alike, and still others who don't really care what happens. All these voices from all different areas of the world...it's enough to drive a person to the point where the only thing to do is scream! Unfortunately, in the huge cacophony of clothing ads, make-up commercials, and gossip reality show is the soft whisper of God trying to lead her in the right direction.

Why can't life be just as easy as it was when we were six? Everything was given to us by our parents, we were never in want for food or shelter, friends didn't create drama, boys had cooties, and school was easy. Every boo-boo could be cured by Mommy's kiss, Disney had the answer to everything, and sharing your crayons or your toys with someone made them your best friend. Everything was much simpler and we got more naps. :) I love naps.

In Matthew 18:3, Jesus says “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." This reminds us to have the same mindset of a child, one who is completely dependent on their parents for everything that they have, and be completely dependent on our Heavenly Father. 


In saying this, Jesus confirms that it is possible to retain childhood while still gaining the experiences and wisdom gained by growing up. All we need to do is live our life how God intended us to and depend fully on Him. Just as a child would. 


So as I go through my college life, full of new experiences, new friends, learning how to live in the real world, new challenges, and new struggles, I will try to give my entire being to God and let him lead my life, and watch me grow into the same strong and beautiful woman from the song.

Random Musings

A Sidewalk Prophet
by Lauren Wheeler

Walking along on a cold Winter’s day,
I see my shadow come out to play.
Constantly changing, but never straying,
Almost as if something inside were delaying.
The feeling deep inside, I soon come to realize,
Can be seen plainly on the sidewalk by my eyes.
There I go walking, being all that I am,
But my emotions are built up like water in a dam.
I look to see what I have really become,

My Shadow.

Fading with the twilight
And gaining strength with the rising Sun.
Distorted by worldly objects,
Swallowed in the darkness.

But when the Sun comes back around,
The essence of me is there to be found.
I can run and jump and go anywhere I please,
And I’ll always be there and always at ease.
This can be so when you dwell in the Son,
So stretch out your shadow and reach everyone.

There's no place like home.

Well my first semester of college is over and done with. Man. What a semester it was! Most of the time I was extraordinarily busy, half-asleep, and rushed...but it was fun :) I made soooo many good friends! And I'm sure I have many more to meet next semester. Finals were tough, but I didn't die...so that's good :) I'm learning more and more each day about what it's like to be grown up...not that a college freshman equates to that at all, but it's an experience nonetheless.

There have been several events the last week that just keep going through my brain and leave me wondering...wondering about...well...everything. Where do I go from here? Do I really want to major in biology and go to med school? What will I specialize in? Nurse or doctor? Should I just forget it and become an accountant? Should I major in music and teach people to sing?? Should I pursue a life on the stage? Should I scrap it all and be a stay at home mom? What happens next?...I know it's a little early to be thinking about this, but in today's society it seems like you need to grow up knowing exactly what you want to be...otherwise you'll have a lot of wasted years and a lot more wasted money. I sit back and wonder what I'm doing sometimes. I wonder what I'll do after college, what kind of job will I have, what will my family be doing, where will I be living, what will my future husband be like, what about kids? Will they respect me, will they grow up to be good kids, will they  have a heart after God like I hope they will? To all these questions and thoughts I can only say one thing...I have no clue. It's taking me a while to really let God just take control of everything...to just sit back and give him the wheel. But every time I hear the song "I'm letting go" by Francesca Battistelli, it reminds me to step back and just pray about it. I don't know what's going to happen next, as much as I'd like to, so it'd be best to just sit back and trust in him.

While God is working all that out, it's great to be back home :) I'm back to selling fragrance with my mom and sister, having fun messing around with my brother, and listening to my dad's punny jokes. My cat appreciates the extra attention and I'm sure everyone is glad to have me and my sister home to sing with...and also to help with housework. :)  We get to decorate the Christmas tree soon, which is one of my absolute favorite days of the entire year! Christmas music blasting from everywhere and the smell of glass ornaments, fake Christmas tree, peppermint, and Christmas. :) I especially love this time of year because of all the Christmas caroling my family does....most of it randomly starting in the car or just sitting around the house. I love that my family loves to be together. I know that they're always there for me and nothing I could ever do would make them love me any less. It gives me a small glimpse into the love that God must have for us. :)

Anyway, maybe now that I'm on break I can get some sleep!.....or I could just spend my time shenaniganizing with my family and church friends ;)

It's the Finals Countdown

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S4FHckC42QU

Well today has been a pretty good day. Started off on 4 hours of sleep, took my chemistry final...didn't do so well as I'd hoped, but better than I would have if I hadn't been studying hard these last couple of days. I finished my final paper 6 minutes before class and that's when things started looking up. One of my favorite teachers on campus gave us cookies, and our other teacher played violin for us! Then we got to leave after half an hour and just hang out. Took a nap and learned how to make my hair look like Veronica Lake. It was epic.

Today hasn't been the best day for one of my very closest friends ever. She didn't do so well on a final exam and found that she hadn't made this years Cabaret. It's been tough because she feels like something must be wrong with her voice for her to not have been cast in a lot this year, but that's where she's wrong. She has the most beautiful voice I've ever heard in my life! It's so clear and soft, it sounds like an angel. She can hit notes way up in the stratosphere and has a dedication to her songs that few people have. I sing also and strive to be just as good as her everyday. I look up to her and use her as an example of how to live my life. She is so wonderful and so talented. I love her so much.

Tonight is the night I FINALLY get some sleep! Nothing going on tomorrow but studying for my last exam this semester! :D College finals are a lot harder than high school so far. We'll see if the trend keeps up...which I'm sure it will ;) I get to go back home on Friday!!! :D

Composition at 4 A.M.

Well hello there,
I don't know some of you, and I know others extremely well. This is a website fully devoted to my thoughts, random realizations, and other sensical and nonsensical items. I'm not sure if I'm doing this just because a lot of my friends are, but I decided what the heck. I'll give blogging a try :) It might give me another alternative for wasting time. As of now it's mainly been Stumbleupon and Facebook. Anyway, I'm typing this while I wait for my Youtube video to load of my wonderful roommate...sleep talking :)

I may just have to update this later :) That's all for now though! Never blogged much before and so my official first blog has now been posted.