New York, New York

Ah. It's a beautiful evening outside. Occasional bursts of gushing wind, but the wind isn't too cold and the temperature is lovely. An entire building full of friends and luggage, awaiting the tour of a life time. What could be wrong with this picture?? Nothing...except the fact that it's 3:46 a.m. currently... Most of us choir folk haven't slept in the last 24 hours and are all anxiously awaiting 4 a.m. when we can trudge onto the bus and sleep to our heart's content. Our bodies filled with a range of emotions from move-out stress and grade anxiety to freedom and relief that it's over. And then I stop to think. It's over. Another year past, another milestone achieved. I just finished my freshman year in college. Wow. Where on earth did my childhood go?!? New and dear friends all separating and going home. Home to various states and situations, the only connection to our college world maybe being a few texts, some Facebook messages, maybe the muses of the sleep deprived on a random blog...but for those few lucky ones where their home town is thriving with college students, they bask in the boredom of a summer with good friends. I've said goodbye to SOOOOO many of my good friends in just 3 days, it feels like I'm never going to see any of them ever again...but it's just for a summer :)

This year has produced such a growth in me, such as I have never felt before. Both spiritually and physically. After spending a year where my parents weren't here all the time, it really made me realize how much I depend on them. When they weren't here or I wasn't able to get ahold of them, it made me realize how much I really do depend on God. For instance: As a little kid, we'd often take road trips. Wichita, Lawrence, sometimes just to the little suburb of Auburn. Most of the time, I was quietly snoozing in the backseat until that unpleasant moment where your parents open the car door to wake you up and an instant rush of cold air fills the car. Tonight, however, I drove by myself to an unfamiliar location, often driving in the middle of nowhere, simply going by my friends' directions. I felt old. I had made my own decision to go where I wanted when I wanted. I was still reminded of my dependence on God a few times though. It's amazing all the little things God can do to wake you up.

Anyway....this blog would probably tumble into a blabberous and confusing tumult if I typed anymore...Plus, it's 3 minutes till we leave! :) Gotta catch my bus, which seat can I take??? ;)

Summer Days are Weeks Away

*big sigh of relief* ahhh! Finally! A few days to just relax. I had a huge test yesterday that I'd been working hard to study for between everything else I had on my plate. But today is perfect. Yesterday I had classes pretty much non-stop all day, went to church, reserved my dorm room for next semester with a fantastic girl (aka Kristen :) ) and then got to go star gazing with some new friends. Then at midnight we surprised my roommate for her birthday with a small party :) It was only for a half hour though, they all had death papers to write. I, not being in that class, decided to procrastinate and stay up later than normal to help encourage them while they were dreading the all-nighter ahead of them. Apparently, after I had gone to sleep, Jenny was playing the Harry Potter soundtrack and my subconscious joined in the singing of Bubble, Bubble, Toil and Trouble......weird. After such a stressful week, I finally get a break though. Today I had 3 classes, and a lot of rest. I got to go with Daniel and Nikki to walk Dodger. That dog. He can't pick a side of the road to stay on and eats everything in sight. It was fun though, we got to get some sun and had a small break from campus.

As I write this, I'm sitting in the pavilion of the student center on a couch, where the temperature is perfect and there is a slight breeze. I don't know what the rest of the night holds for me except fun! Although....even if it is Jenny's birthday, we have a mandatory meeting later and she has a huge test tomorrow....so I may just get to sleep early tonight :) Or I might grab one of my favorite books and just curl up outside. The perfect ending chapter of a story :) Well....perfect, if I don't get ran over by the guys horsing around out here tackling each other over fruit......

Always Waiting

So Stellar Kart has this song called "Always Waiting" that kind of describes where I'm at right now. The chorus goes:
"Always waiting for tomorrow
Always waiting for
The new to come around
Still waiting for the grass that's greener
Always waiting for anything but now"

And that's what I'm doing....waiting. Waiting for the opera to finally be here, waiting for NATS to arrive, waiting for school to be finished, waiting for New York, waiting to do homework occasionally, waiting, waiting, waiting. It's gotten down to it...the final 5 weeks of school. Where a class can make or break your GPA. You have to think about saying goodbye to your friends for the summer, so you want to start hanging out more and more. But alas...it too must wait. Wait for classes to end, wait for dorm sign-ups and scheduling to be over and done.

At the same time, I feel like I'm waiting on God. I don't know why, but I just feel like I'm waiting for him to give me a huge slap in the face or a giant explosion of....something. I keep feeling it, but I don't know what it is yet. Maybe I'm searching for a path. What on Earth am I to do with my life?? I mean I'm about to be a sophomore in college...time to get serious with my career path. I'm majoring in biology, but is that really where I wanna be? Can I work a full time job in the medical field and STILL be an excellent mother someday? I just added a music minor. Where will that take me. Will I decide to go that route rather than science?? I don't even know. All I do know, is that waiting is difficult.

Then I think about what all I've just said, and I realize that I'm missing the small wonders He's presenting me with amidst all the waiting. I'm so focused on the big stuff and worrying that I forget to cherish each day and each second He's given me.

So I guess for now I'll just tackle this one day at a time. Class by class, hour by hour. That would really stress me out a LOT less haha.

Anyway, just kind of a random thought at the end of a busy busy day. Now I get to go tour the dorms and pick out my room for next year! :D Yay for rooming with Kristen Lindsey!!! :D It's gonna be a great year, I can tell already :)

Whirlwind of a Week

Well this week has been going by like a whirlwind......literally! 20mph winds the last two days, but today was perfect :) Actually this whole semester seems to just be slipping past me. We only have about 5 weeks of school left, then it's off to New York for 2 weeks of Chorale Tour!!!!!!!! :D Until then, I may be pulling out my hair chunks at a time from stress. I thought it was gonna be a bit easier coming back from Spring Break.....man was I ever wrong! Soooo much homewok and so many hours of opera rehearsal. I still manage to have some fun :) but I can truly say that I am once again sleep deprived. That's why I haven't blogged in forever! So. Here we go :)

Spring Break Adventures:
Spring Break this year was AMAZING!! People were in and out of my house all weekend long! We had 7 cool cats from OC come and stay with us (Lacey Thomas, Gwen, Brian Wilcox, Damian S...ya can't spell it......., Leah Graefe, Brian Eastman, and Daniel Wakeland) and had a BLAST! Lots of Just Dance, staying up late watching movies, mall adventures, and Star Wars Battlefront 2 :) That's right world, you better watch out! Because although Lauren is TERRIBLE at that game, everyone else seems to play extremely well...so watch out for those people :) I have to say that one of my favorite moments of the weekend was watching/listening to everyone's reactions to Troll 2 with Daniel because we were the only ones who had seen it haha. Oh Troll 2. There are not even words to describe that movie. If you haven't ever seen it or heard of it, go right now and find it, get a group of fun friends together, and make some popcorn! Do it!!

And then....I had to come home from Spring Break :( BUT I'm with all my OC peeps now :) Back to caf food :( and homework :( and no sleep :( (which was terrible the first 2 days considering I was used to sleeping around 13 hours over break) BUT I get to hang with my friends whenever I want :) And it's WPA week so there's lotsa free stuff! Tonight, is Peachwave night :) SCORE! What could be better than free frozen yogurt that tastes like it came from Heaven? I bet they have frozen yogurt night every Wednesday in Heaven. Right after they sing praises to God. Which will be awesome!!! :D But seriously. It's delicious. The Old Spice guy would eat at Peachwave. Just sayin.

As I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I haven't made my schedule for next semester yet......might wanna do that........and MAYBE I should do some homework.....hmm.......but first, frozen yogurt :) Well have a pleasant rest of your day! Or night! Or Morning! Or the rest of the time that you're doing stuff after reading my random nonsense for the last few minutes. Well there's time you'll never get back. And look, there just went ten more seconds. Ya know what, have a good life :)

Random Poem at 1 in the morning

Confusion by Lauren Wheeler

I'm tossing in a tempest of turmoil
the waves crashing over me, pulling me down.
I forget to swim when I once knew how
and a dreadful fear fills my heart.
Something screams within me,
"This just isn't right!"
My body yearns to sprawl out on the sandy beach
where it's warm and calm, safe from Poseidon’s grasp.
But just as I catch a glimpse of that shore
the gloomy deep grabs me, swirling violently.
As I gulp in air it slams me again and again.
Never stopping, never pausing,
Holding me down forever

These are the Times..

"These are the times that try men's souls."

That indeed they are. One day Oklahoma decides to be 75, two days later it's 8 degrees with high winds and snow everywhere...oh and two snow days!!! :) Times like these separate the men from the boys...those that will venture into the snow (and maybe have some fun playing in it) and those who stay inside. I dabbled on both sides of that fence today. Had a LOT of fun jumping into snow drifts, playing ping pong, and watching movies with the guys. I also righted a terrible wrong. four college aged boys had not seen Toy Story 3.......don't panic......I fixed it :) I also learned today that unless they had a younger sister, they hadn't seen any of the Disney movies that even remotely related to princesses.....something that will be fixed before summer. All in all it was a very lazy yet exciting day and I can't wait to have more adventures tomorrow!!

It's been a while since I've blogged so now I feel as if I must write something important or heartfelt.................................nah. I'll just ramble about my life....that is what a blog is for after all ;)

I really love being at OC. SOOOO many good friends and teachers. Classes are going great too! I have a lot of reading homework for one, but in the end I've got more time than last semester. Spring Sing rehearsals have been going on and I can honestly say that the Freshman are going to PWN!! Picked out songs for voice and I get to sing some fantastic arias this semester :) Pretty soon Opera rehearsals will start....that's gonna be interesting combined with Spring Sing and voice...

On a completely unrelated note. You never realize how nerdy you are until you start watching Big Bang Theory (a show about the life of 4 VERY smart guys with physicist jobs and whatnot) and most of the time you can understand all or part of what they are saying. For instance: We've been reading a book by Kuhn in our Bible Science class lately. It discusses scientific paradigm shifts and anomalies. They started mentioning these in the show and I understood and followed the train of though while trying to deduce what they were going to say next based on my logic. Then I recognized the three-dimensional chess board from Star Trek before they made any reference to the show....and I started explaining to my friend about how a flu shot injects a little piece of the strain into your body so that your body will begin making antibodies for that particular virus, thus helping prevent further infestation of flu viruses....yeah...if you didn't follow that then sorry haha. Just know that when you get a little sick after a flu shot, it's a good thing :) Speaking of biological and medicinal happenings....my roommate hurt her knee. She has been on crutches for the past 6 days and can't bend her knee. I love the girl to death...but she has no sense of balance :) As she puts it, "Mobility is something that should never be taken for granted." I've pretty much been a mother hen to her the past few days. Doing little extra things to help her out, making sure she's ok, scolding her when she tries to walk around on her leg without crutches and so on so forth. And now that I'm thinking about mothers, I'd just like to say that I have the absolute best Mom in the world :) She is always there for me, texts me during class or calls me just to see how my day is going, and really does so much for me :) I'm so thankful that God gave me the parents He did. I really miss my Dad. I've always been somewhat a Daddy's Little Girl :) So be prepared Dad, your phone is about to blow up with as many texts as I send Mom!! :D And you better answer them back :P

Well anyway...I'm gonna go to bed now. Looooooooong day of snow tomorrow :) Stay warm and safe! God bless! :)

What a Way to Start the Year!

So my first two weeks of my second semester of college are pretty much over. So far it's been fantastic to be back! Of course, the day I returned to school, my hometown got a BUNCH of snow and my brother got 2 snow days...grr...it just finally iced/snowed a bit last night...but it's like nothing. There was just enough ice on the first day back to have me slip on the way to my very first class however. My foot slipped out from under me, I flew into the air, and landed right on the tip of my elbow :( Took a minute or two to stand back up and luckily my laptop (which I was carrying) hadn't been harmed. To make a long story short, my elbow was swollen, was (and still is) bruised, and I chipped it. Sure makes working out interesting! Jumping jacks turn into looking like a person drowning in mid air...anyway.

So far I've been pretty good with my New Year's resolutions. I've spent a lot more time studying and sleeping, and I've still been able to hang out with my friends quite a bit. Had some fun taking a lot of photos and then Spring Sing has started recently. WOW! It is so much fun :) We have a pretty big group this year, awesome directors, fantastic choreographers, and I've already made some new friends! The homework here hasn't built up just incredibly yet, although I did only get 3 hours of sleep the other day from all the stuff I had going on. But that was remedied today :) Classes were canceled until 1!! :D And my orchestra class was pretty much canceled, so I got a day to sleep, and get caught up on some homework.

All in all, it's good to be back with my graceful *haha* and adorable roommate and all my friends, pretty much my second family :) God is good!

Home

Well this week has been so much fun! A lot of sleeping in, doing absolutely nothing, and being together with my family. I'm supposed to go back to college on Sunday, but there's a problem....a horrific ice/snow storm is supposed to blow through. :/ As much as I love snow, I hate the fact that it might be robbing me of one more day at home. I just love seeing all my old friends and being at my home congregation. Also, my family has some pretty fun times :) I mean, tonight my sister and I made dinner with my mom's help. We had meatloaf (which is not very pretty to look at while you're mixing it all up before cooking), mashed potatoes, green beans, and this apple caramel cream cheese dip with graham crackers. That was an experience. Last night we went and saw Voyage of the Dawn Treader, and since I was the one who had seen it before...guess who got to get popcorn refills. I love that movie so much! Especially when you put the religious symbology behind it of Aslan representing Jesus, it just puts the whole thing into a life perspective.

Anyway, you never realize how much you miss home until you come back after being gone. I've missed it all. From things like family, friends, and pets down to the way the stairs creak (and knowing which spots on each step creak), having to cuddle with lots of pillows and stuffed animals under multiple blankets because my room is so cold, that annoying spring that sticks up right under my shoulder blade, the front door constantly blowing open, and even my neighbor's yippy dog. Yes I love college, and it's a whole new experience with new people, but there's just something about home that puts me at ease and makes me content. I don't know...maybe I'm just being a sentimental sap...maybe not. But I do know that  only at home can things like having a marshmallow war, watching old Disney classics and old home videos make a great time. (Such feelings of home-ie-ness can be seen in this poem my Grandma Lavon always used to recite: Heap O' Livin')

If I feel this way about my Earthly home, I simply cannot WAIT to see my Heavenly home :) Maybe there Liam Neeson (the voice of Aslan) can narrate everything I do. Maybe that is God's real voice!...I doubt it, but it was worth a shot :) Since we're talking about animals and Heaven...I always used to wonder when I was little. Will my cat be in Heaven with me?? The answer is probably not...but a kid can dream :) (wow...I obviously have nothing to say since this post is so random so far...ah...oh well...you're the one taking the time to read it, not me. I just thought it...ugh...my thoughts must not be all that interesting after all...)

Well I suppose that's enough for one post. Mine tend to get just a bit wordy...I apologize :) Next time I blog I will know more spanish than I currently do! Yay for second semester of college! :D Till next time!

And remember kids, God made you special and He loves you very much! Bye!

New Years and Resolutions

2011. A new year.

2010 was full of so many exciting experiences for me! I went to Chicago on a choir/orchestra tour with some of my best friends, got a 1 rating on orchestra and choir contest songs, performed on stage with my brother, was accepted to Oklahoma Christian University and also to their Honor's program, won our school's Greek Week for choir for the second time, graduated high school 12th in my class of 400+,  planted a successful lily garden, went to the Bahamas, started my first semester of college, performed in the school musical, dressed up for my first ever midnight premier, got my first curfew violation for attending said midnight premier, survived finals, grew closer to God, and grew even closer to my family while making new life-long friends. God truly blessed my year and I'm excited to see what he has planned for me this year.

For the new year I have a few resolutions. Instead of trailing off throughout the year and forgetting to keep my resolutions, I ask each of you reading this to help keep me in check. 

Resolution 1: I will manage my time better and be more homework efficient. This semester of college was interesting. I tried to plan all my time between the musical, choir and orchestra, homework, sleep, and friends. You can guess what 2 things were usually put off till the last minute...judging by the title of my blog :) But I know I can do better and I'll still be able to balance these.

Resolution 2: I want to be wiser. Not just wiser as in knowing more, but wiser in God. The first step to achieving this is cutting the phrase "that's what she said" from my vocabulary. It's almost become an instinct to say it and I don't like that I do that. I didn't realize that this was keeping me from growing in wisdom until I read Proverbs 12-....well all of it actually :) But specific verses such as, "He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who speaks rashly comes to ruin" (13:3); "The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouth of the fool gushes folly" (15:2); "The Lord detests the thoughts of the wicked, but those of the pure are pleasing to him" (15:26); "A man of perverse heart does not prosper; he whose tongue is deceitful falls into trouble" (17:20); "Better a poor man whose walk is blameless than a fool whose lips are perverse" (19:1); and "He who guards his mouth and his tongue keeps himself from calamity" (21:23) helped me to realize that I should probably monitor what I say a little more closely. 

As I said, please let me know if you see me start to forget my resolutions so I can get back on track :) Anyway, for me the new year has started out pretty good. I was at a church game night till around 1 a.m.  then got to sleep and woke up today to pack and peel potatoes. As I write this I'm currently heading to celebrate Christmas/New Years with my extended family. :) We always have a great time when we're together and I'm really looking forward to it. We get to spend two days with them and then all of the girls are going shopping on the Plaza!! :) A great start to a new year :)

I hope God blesses you this year and it's full of joy and laughter! 

p.s. Just a little side note to save me from another post. I randomly wrote this poem today.

A Bright Breakfast

I tasted a piece of the sun this morning.

That’s right, I drank it, in all its golden glory.

At first it scalded, but after letting it cool,

It settled down into a deeply glowing pool.

The first sip was pure warmth with a richness I can’t describe

And after a second it changed to a butterscotch-honey and my eyes opened wide.

I smelled something wonderful…like brown sugar? What could it be?

Meanwhile that cup of ecstatic joy began to brew inside of me.

My face became radiant and my step was lithe,

I hadn’t a care in the world. No worries, no strife.

As time flew by throughout the day,

I could feel the brightness fading away.

And as you sit there, listen to what I’ve said,

But the sun has now gone, the moon is rising, and I am going to bed.